Practice 1

1) Osservate:
1) Pay attention:
a. with what tone of voice you speak to the various people you meet,
b. and in what attitude you put yourself: neutral? Passive? Aggressive? Or which other?
2) Pay attention again and note:
a. if attitudes and tone of voice used in the various examined situations are in your opinion suitable for the moment you were living,
b. and if not, what they should have been to be effective.
3) Now match the attitudes and tone of voice you have used to those in your family who use them.
4) As an example, once you find that the one that came out and that you used is your mother’s behavioral model (the same goes for your father, a grandfather, an uncle, etc.) ask yourself the following question: “If in those moments I behaved and communicated like my mother, let’s say in her passive way, if I had been my real self, what would have happened differently compared to how things went? “.
5) Once you understand what would have happened differently, observe yourself in the moments of subsequent communication and see if your mother’s attitude (or father’s, or grandfather’s…) in which you are passive and maybe with a victim’s voice, were still coming out.
6) When you realize it, mentally tell yourself immediately: “This is my mother, I am not her”, and then behave as you decided it would have been useful to do alternatively, being yourself and creating something that expresses the real you, instead of repeating your mother.
7) Continue the exercise until you feel well, overcoming any difficulties or discomfort.
8) It is probable that by observing yourself, you will identify and discover more attitudes: your mother’s, father’s, grandparents’, uncles’ and so on. So, once the first exercise is finished, do it on the other models that you have found, approaching them one at a time. You can also take note of your observations and of what you understand as you carry out the exercises. Later on you will be able to read again your personal reflections and decisions, thus consolidating your ability to change behavior patterns.


    • Step 1
    • Step 2

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